Plant something that deserves to live and let it grow. I
will adore your farmer’s tan and all that it signifies. Plant something
beautiful in my heart. I think alfalfa is beautiful.
Some days the Ice Queen will return, blackening the earth at
my feet. She will breathe frost onto all the buds you so delicately brought to
life. Remind me that God doesn’t care where I’ve been, only where I’m going. It’s
a cliché. But it’s enough warmth to lull the Ice Queen back to slumber.
Take your shoes off for me so I don’t have to barefoot
trudge my way into that church alone. Make a burning bush of me. I will put the
fire out with my tears. Rebuild, rebuild, rebuild until I understand.
Acknowledge my faults. No matter how true your love, I will never
wish to be labeled perfect. Let my
faults be the map and I will bring a book for cross-country hours. I will let
that engine hum.
Do dishes with me after dinner. With suds up to your elbows,
tell me stories I’ve heard before. As I dry each porcelain plate, each pan or fork or spoon, I
will let your stories wash over me tingling with new. I just want to be by you.
Never offer me the moon. They renamed me Saturn so I will
remember the way they pushed so many moons into my orbit (60 moons and
counting). I never asked for this. Wipe the slate of all their empty promises.
Leave me naked for a time so the universe can rebuild my magnetism slowly.
Instead of so many moons, offer me something tangible. When
I am a hundred miles out of earshot, say “I’d sell my truck for her.” I want to
feel the truth of it echo through my bones and shiver electric out my fingers.
Love me like that.
Jeannette I know you don't want to hear this but this piece is "ultimate fabulous wonderful amazing and to never ever change" all that much of it. Only add on if you feel the need because I loved every single line, comma, phrase, syllable and image of this poem.
ReplyDeleteAwwww thanks girl! I really do appreciate this!
DeleteDisclaimer: I don't much care for this freeform sort of poetry in general. I much prefer lyrical poetry.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I think I understand most of it, and I do love the imagery. Especially the moons, and renaming yourself Saturn. That's very cool. Also, the burning bush, tears, and rebuilding. I can really identify with that these days.
I don't know that you should so bluntly admit to using a cliché within the poem. Maybe just let it be without calling attention to it, or point it out in a more flowing manner? I'm not sure what to suggest to fix it, being of a different taste in poetry style...
I KNEW you'd say say something about the moons/Saturn thing hahahhaa.
DeleteI like the bluntness of the cliche bit, but I will definitely take that into consideration. This was very good feedback.